Friday, June 20, 2003
So, I've spent the majority of the morning thinking that Cati Fabulous was hurt by me. I would never intentionally hurt any of you bloggers. I don't even know most of you, so I can't see how hurting you is even possible. But when I thought that she was upset with me, I wrote this whole sad, introduction to my post today. Then I had to go back and fix it, cuz she swears that it's not me that hurt her feelings. Can I just tell you how relieved I feel now? The pit that was resting like a rock of despair in my stomach has finally eased up. And phew. I take things so personally sometimes, it's scary.
I’ve been known to have a bad temper. Actually, it doesn’t flare up very often, but when it does, it consumes me in a way that I am totally embarrassed and uncomfortable with. Last night for instance, Paul and I had plans to go to a nice dinner. We hadn’t been out to dinner in over a week and I was really excited to sit and have a nice, quiet meal. He and I arrived at the restaurant at around 8pm and Mariah joined us for a bit, but had to leave by 9pm due to a rehearsal for an upcoming show. It’s very rare for Paul, Mariah, and I to have any time for just the three of us and I cherish those moments greatly. While ordering the appetizers, the three of us got into a discussion about how important it is to spend some personal time with the people that you love.
At that moment, Paul’s roommates, Jen and Lisa, were walking by the restaurant and Paul got up to go say “hi” to them. (Keep in mind that we hang out with Jen and Lisa ALL the time, cuz they are constantly at his apartment) I say to Paul as he is leaving to talk to the girls, “Please don’t bring them in here. The three of us are doing our own thing tonight.” Paul nods his head and leaves. Five minutes later, Paul enters back into the restaurant with Jen and Lisa in tow. Mariah pinches my leg, cuz we had JUST had the conversation about how it was nice that the three of us were having a meal…just the three of us.
As they are all taking their seats at our table, the fury of the INCREDIBLE HULK, fills me and instead of busting out of my clothes into a mass of green muscle, I kick Paul’s chair HARD from underneath the table. In fact, I kicked it so hard that the glasses and silverware made this upsettingly loud clinking noise and I realized that I had exposed my anger to everyone at the table. Paul handled it very well and didn’t make a comment about what I had just done. I sat there, frustrated at him for bringing them into the restaurant and frustrated at myself for getting so irrationally worked up about it. Within 10 minutes or so I had squashed the fury and we all had a good time.
As Paul and I were walking home later on in the evening, he grabbed my arm and apologized for what he had done. By that point, I had realized that I had gotten angry over something very stupid. I explained to him that I was confused as to why he brought them in and that I was also sorry for kicking his chair so violently under the table. He kissed me on the cheek and told me that “It was okay”. But in my mind, it wasn’t. I try not to screw up often and when I do, I carry it with me for a long time. I just hate making myself look like a psycho.
So whatever, it was over and done with and no one was any the wiser. But it reminded me that I still have work to do on controlling my reaction to things that I don’t like. Trust me, I have come a long way in curbing my acid laced tongue. No one is perfect and I have to understand that I have made some progress. But it sucks to know that I still have more progress to make.
BUT WHY DID HE BRING JEN AND LISA BACK IN WITH HIM?!?!
Just cuz. That’s why. Just cuz. argh. Er…I mean…yay!
Barf.
I guess that’s all I have to say today. I am excited to go home. I am excited to get out of the city for a couple of days. I am excited to just get away. Next week is GAY PRIDE and we have so many plans for it that I think I will fall into a homo-induced coma by the time next Sunday rolls around.
Hope everyone has a nice weekend.
Drink too much, eat too much, stay up late, and be thankful for the friends you have.
I’ve been known to have a bad temper. Actually, it doesn’t flare up very often, but when it does, it consumes me in a way that I am totally embarrassed and uncomfortable with. Last night for instance, Paul and I had plans to go to a nice dinner. We hadn’t been out to dinner in over a week and I was really excited to sit and have a nice, quiet meal. He and I arrived at the restaurant at around 8pm and Mariah joined us for a bit, but had to leave by 9pm due to a rehearsal for an upcoming show. It’s very rare for Paul, Mariah, and I to have any time for just the three of us and I cherish those moments greatly. While ordering the appetizers, the three of us got into a discussion about how important it is to spend some personal time with the people that you love.
At that moment, Paul’s roommates, Jen and Lisa, were walking by the restaurant and Paul got up to go say “hi” to them. (Keep in mind that we hang out with Jen and Lisa ALL the time, cuz they are constantly at his apartment) I say to Paul as he is leaving to talk to the girls, “Please don’t bring them in here. The three of us are doing our own thing tonight.” Paul nods his head and leaves. Five minutes later, Paul enters back into the restaurant with Jen and Lisa in tow. Mariah pinches my leg, cuz we had JUST had the conversation about how it was nice that the three of us were having a meal…just the three of us.
As they are all taking their seats at our table, the fury of the INCREDIBLE HULK, fills me and instead of busting out of my clothes into a mass of green muscle, I kick Paul’s chair HARD from underneath the table. In fact, I kicked it so hard that the glasses and silverware made this upsettingly loud clinking noise and I realized that I had exposed my anger to everyone at the table. Paul handled it very well and didn’t make a comment about what I had just done. I sat there, frustrated at him for bringing them into the restaurant and frustrated at myself for getting so irrationally worked up about it. Within 10 minutes or so I had squashed the fury and we all had a good time.
As Paul and I were walking home later on in the evening, he grabbed my arm and apologized for what he had done. By that point, I had realized that I had gotten angry over something very stupid. I explained to him that I was confused as to why he brought them in and that I was also sorry for kicking his chair so violently under the table. He kissed me on the cheek and told me that “It was okay”. But in my mind, it wasn’t. I try not to screw up often and when I do, I carry it with me for a long time. I just hate making myself look like a psycho.
So whatever, it was over and done with and no one was any the wiser. But it reminded me that I still have work to do on controlling my reaction to things that I don’t like. Trust me, I have come a long way in curbing my acid laced tongue. No one is perfect and I have to understand that I have made some progress. But it sucks to know that I still have more progress to make.
BUT WHY DID HE BRING JEN AND LISA BACK IN WITH HIM?!?!
Just cuz. That’s why. Just cuz. argh. Er…I mean…yay!
Barf.
I guess that’s all I have to say today. I am excited to go home. I am excited to get out of the city for a couple of days. I am excited to just get away. Next week is GAY PRIDE and we have so many plans for it that I think I will fall into a homo-induced coma by the time next Sunday rolls around.
Hope everyone has a nice weekend.
Drink too much, eat too much, stay up late, and be thankful for the friends you have.
